As a nice lead into this yarn, I was at a Halloween party some months before my move. I was being led around as a gimp, dressed in tight plastic strapped up with chains, when I saw a midget dressed as the devil. I searched my memory for any of my friends that knew a midget and came up zero, so his presence was puzzling to me, I could smell some fun. I knew for damn sure I wanted to meet this pint sized Beelzebub fella. I made my master lead me over to him and was greeted with the drunkest surliest little piece of shit I have ever met. He was good at it too. Cut me down straight away and left me disarmed. All I wanted to do was have some chat with a small devil, maybe learn some dwarfy trivia and then be about my business.
It was only after complaining to the host that a little man made me cry that I learnt that he was hired to do just what he was doing; getting shitfaced and teasing people. Only thing was he thought he was a big person and started drinking glasses of rum that ozzie osbourne would wince at as being too ambitious. He thoroughly succeeded at the drunk part of his role.
Despite his obvious handicap of size the extreme amounts of booze initially only served to make him more brazen and frustrating as an antagonist. So much so that he went too far with a big guy dressed as Buzz Lightyear who proceeded to pick him up and throw him like a bag of cement into the pool. That got a really good reaction from the crowd. This cycle went on for while. The midget would booze, harass, and someone would throw him somewhere. Eventually drunkenness got the better of him and he passed out. But only after we got our monies worth out of the little devil. This is an actual photo of him, his name is max and he is a little c*nt.
Back to the recent midget….. bearing in mind my previous encounter of midgetness I was a little apprehensive and wary being around a new midget. I d been hurt in the past and was cautious. I had no faith in midget kind at this stage. My gym routine continued to coincide with town midget alpha until I started playing footy and the gym schedule changed a bit. I saw less of him. But fate had other plans for us.
Also consider that he was a really ugly middle eastern looking midget. I was worried about sounding racist saying that but I m clearly not against bagging midgets so why stop there, racism here we come! He was greasy and hairy and ugly, big nose and long face. Middle eastern. Maybe even Turkish.
It started out again with a random sighting down town across a crowded street. To him I might have just seemed like any other reverse-midget, about 6 foot 2, cocky and always looking down on him. But this thought was quickly dispelled by a lightning strike of eye contact between me and the midget. It was electric. I couldn’t handle the power, I had to not only look away but turn away and walk away, trying not to run.
This meant that the little fucker knew what he was doing the past few months. There was recognition written all over his smug little fat ugly face. This meant he was knowingly putting himself near me and continuing to do so knowingly. Little shit. Freaked me right out. I had my first midget stalker.
Moral of the story. Stay away from midgets. I for one prefer the company of inverse or reverse midgets, bigjets if you will. You will find them more likely to be your height, be able to reach things for you and not fuckin stalk you for no apparent reason when you are new in town and freak you the shit out.
Vote one: Anyone tall.
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